I wish I had a picture to show you what made me happy or why I’d be happier today than another day. I had a surprise, it was a feeling deep inside my chest bursting with warmth. It felt like love but it was a bit different and much more complicated in a way I won’t explain. Today I purchased a Father’s Day gift for my husband; Jason is gone but he is still a dad right? Jason would want his dad lavished with love, kindness and gifts.
So today I got him a hand made gift from a local artisan. As it happens it is someone our Jason knew long ago. While we chatted we discovered we have some unusual and very specific things in common and I had a hard time dragging myself away. Letting them get back to the business at hand I finally made my way home. And as I drove, the surprise feeling began to grow in my chest. A warm pressure was building until finally it burst inside me and I wept. Because without trying at all, without keeping my focus on the moment or attempting to find happiness, and quite by accident, I found joy. The joy of meeting a like minded person who knew my son. The joy of hearing someone say Jason’s name and remember him and talk casually about him with regard. To talk to me about my loss of him and all that he was to me, to my husband to the rest of my family. I felt joyful, I feel joyful, my tears are joyful. This happens to me at unexpected times when an event takes place that is so full of goodness I am filled with hope! What a kindness Jason sent me today…..Everything happens for a reason. And today I am happy! 98 days to go!
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Suki Lang 
I cried when I read this because I too long to hear my child’s name used. I want to hear people remember her. Hugs
Thank you. I wish everyone understood it is more than all right to say Jason’s name and to speak of him as if he were I ust in another room. Having someone do so was such a gift.
This made me tear up and made my day. Thank you. I, too, enjoyed the visit and didn’t want it to end. It isn’t often one meets like minded people especially with so many odd things in common. It seems as though we were meant to meet. I feel so grateful that I could have made such a difference in your day. You certainly brightened mine.
Thank you, thank you, thank you….you dear dear person. Twice you have brought me joy now, I’ll not forget it! You are a very intuitive and special person to know how to speak of someone who is missing from our space. :)))
Aw, thank you. 🙂 To me it feels natural to speak of a missing person just the same. The memories are the same whether they are with us or not.
I like your attitude:))