mothers day

Day 13, I survived

/ Suki Lang / Leave a comment

When I woke up this morning, my first thought was Jason and Mother’s Day; I survived. We invited friend Susan and her husband for brunch. A brunch for bereaved mums, a good time was had by all because it was on the agenda; having a good time was our intention.
To live intentionally or to live with intention could have been my mantra while I parked myself before an empty art trading card with a strong desire to paint. Jumping right in I settled into another field and slipped into the art zone where all time stands still, completely alone with my art and my head. The little bird in the right corner is a symbol of hope. And I am hopeful, of what I do not know but life is a series of opportunities and I plan to be open to many. Finally I am beginning to be glad I am alive.

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Day 12, it’s Mother’s Day again

/ Suki Lang / 4 Comments

Today is my third, Mother’s Day as a childless mother. Jason’s death left me unsure of what my role is and of who I am now I have no child. They say when a husband dies a wife becomes a widow, when a father dies a child becomes an orphan and there is no name for a parent when their child dies. 41 years being called mum by my son and being referred to as Jason’s mother by my husband, family and friends, then to have that name and role and those references abruptly end was utterly unreal; an added devastation, a source of grief. It has taken 33 months to know I am still a mother, I feel like a mother, I’ve still got stretch marks from my only pregnancy, I have my memories of Jason’s childhood, his adolescence, his adulthood memories of me as a mother making good decisions and bad, there are photos, family stories and letters to document the fact. I am a mother.
My mini masterpiece today is in no way a reflection of motherhood. It is the result of another day of me pressing myself into action. One day closer to establishing a habit of following through with a project. If I can do thirty days of art trading cards, I can do many things.

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Mother’s Day 2012

/ Suki Lang / 1 Comment

Happy Mother’s Day to you.  This was another first for me – being without a child of my own to get a hug from.  (Sadly not even our grand girls called or came by…. a topic for another blog perhaps).  The week leading up to Mother’s Day was actually fine.  I knew what to expect but when the day was here it was like being in a rudderless boat.

Now I should say here, Jason was not the most reliable when it came to pinning him down for a visit on Mother’s Day.  He always called though, and came along sometime during the day.  In his youth he brought along a bouquet of flowers, picked en-route, regaling me with a verbal picture of the amazing garden he had swiped them from.  Pleased to see him and to get the flowers we would talk gardens and I would provide food, I loved to watch him eat!

When he had children of his own it would be an early morning stop for pancakes allowing the girls mother to sleep in.  Last year he came all on his own, I’m not sure if it was exactly on Mother’s Day but it was our Mother’s Day visit; by then he was sick and on chemo too.   He drove us to the beach for a walk and talk, this was one of the last times he drove me in his truck, he was wearing an orange T shirt.